Two New Friends

We've got two new Gus' Gang friends to welcome!

First is a little fellow named Caleb. Right now he is hanging out at St. Judes in Memphis, TN because he is undergoing treatment for a rare cancer called ATRT. I hope to soon get permission from his family to post a photo and his carepage address. Caleb's parents live in Greeneville and take turns staying with Caleb in Memphis. Road trips are common in situations like this so we all need to be praying not only for Caleb's healing, but also for travel safety for this family.

Next, I'd like to tell you all about a gal named Cassidy. She is a nine year old girl who my parents have recently met...her uncle owns a restaurant that my parents eat at and she sometimes helps her uncle serve the food. Both of my parents have mentioned that she is just a jewel! Well, last week, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. We are still trying to find out what type of cancer and I'll let you all know when I do. She has already had her first treatment and became very, very sick. I hope that each of you will pray for this gal and her family. I hope to find out when her next treatment is so that we can just bathe her in prayer at that specific time. As with Caleb, I hope to get a photo soon.

So there you go....please don't delay in adding Caleb and Cassidy to your Prayer Lists!

Top Droppers

Thanks to all these fine Entrecard folks who have been consistently coming by for a visit! These are the top seven droppers.

Easy Share ---Connie's going to be seeing Gregory H. Johnson (Major, USAF) soon!
LloydLopez.com ---tons of techy stuff here, folks!
Cheaper by the Half Dozen ---read a neat story about her son
The Sewing Mom ---read about a IRL meet-up!
Old Bitty ---see a hilarious IRS sign!
Nessa's Place ---read about Nannito Bandito
Struggling Parents ---find out about natural remedies for ADHD


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Trails Edge Camp

As summer is quickly approaching, I thought I would share some camps I've come across lately.

This week's featured camp is Trails Edge Camp. This camp is for children ages 5-18 who are ventilator-dependent. It's a great opportunity for these kids to meet other kids like themselves and also a time where parents can take a break and know that their child is in good hands.

Of course, like any other camp, there are tons of activities planned like horse back riding and fishing along with all the other typical camp activities! I think it's great that camps like this give children the opportunity to be children...to be able to do things that other kids at camp are doing. They just have to do them a little differently! One thing I think is incredibly neat about this camp is that there is a tree house that the kids can go up into. They get hoisted up in a sling and harness!! Very clever!!

If you have a child who is ventilator-dependent you should check into this camp. It's located in Mayville, MI and is absolutely FREE to children and parents. See what generous donations can do!!

Let me know if you go!!

Great Resource for Tube-Fed People

One of the resources I found early after being told that Gus would need to be tube-fed for awhile was the Oley Foundation. I did a search for tube-fed children and support groups and this foundation is what came up on the results page. I'm thankful that I discovered this resource because there is tons of info and tips. I encourage you to check it out if you have tube fed child!

I noticed too that there is a section on Omegaven now. This is the new drug that has had incredible results in repairing the liver. This is huge for those people who are on long-term TPN because the lipids in the TPN basically kill the liver. I found out about it a month after Gus died. It's not an easy medication to get, but there is info at the Oley Foundation site that tells you how to actually go about it. At the time I found out about the med, it was only being administered in one hospital...now there are at least 25 hospitals who are giving it. I can't even begin to tell you how happy this makes me. TPN induced liver disease kills infants...the adults seem to do better but not by much...so to know that this med is becoming more available to small ones with short bowel syndrome really makes me happy.

I still get the newsletter because I want to stay on top of the information. Hopefully, we'll be adopting medically fragile children in the near future and I'm sure most of them will have a g-tube, ng-tube or central line. I'll be a better caregiver if I stay informed!

Top Seven Entrecard Droppers

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

1. Mom is Just a Nickname
2. Healthy Lifestyle Blogzine
3. Momma Muse
4. Reap Money Online
5. Dance of Motherhood
6. Treasure Nature
7. Sue Doe-Nim

Etsy for Autism

Some of you all remember me writing about Betty Refour and her sister Rose who is an autistic adult. Well, I recently heard from Betty that there is a new blog(Etsy for Autism) that is being written by a team of artists who support and encourage Autism Awareness. I love to buy handmade items and I think it's wonderful to know that there are people out there who are using their talents to draw attention to things like autism, organ donation, etc. So head on over there to see some really beautiful art...and be inspired by these kind souls!

This is a piece created by Rose. Betty says that Rose has always been artistic and that she loves to go shopping immediately after she sells one of her masterpieces! Click on the artwork to go to the Etsy shop...

Book Report: Room of Marvels

There are a lot of books out there to read. Some books are entertaining…some are boring…some are down-right awful…and then you come across a book that is just…well…beautiful! That’s exactly what I discovered when a church friend loaned me her copy of the Room of Marvels by James Bryan Smith.

This is a story about the author’s loss of joy after the death of his best friend, his two year old daughter and then his mother. Well, let me rephrase that: it is a story about the hope of Heaven and regaining joy! This is such a moving book, and I could so closely relate to the author, that I read it in one sitting. Yes, everything else was pushed aside so I could read this book and take from it the message God wanted me to hear.

You join the author on a journey through Heaven. As the journey progresses, the author meets acquaintances and loved ones from his past and yes, he does see his best friend, mother and his daughter. And yes, you will cry! Of course, the book is fiction because none of us know such details about Heaven, however, I do believe that God does reveal things like this to us and I do feel that God did just that with Mr. Smith!

If you have experienced the searing pain of losing a loved one, especially a child, then you certainly need to read this book! I was moved, inspired and filled with hope and joy for what is to come. I am thankful that Mr. Smith has shared his dream with us and I’m tickled to think that my children know his child in Heaven…I just know they do!!

Weekend Linky Love

I was thrilled and honored to find our Gus' Gang button in the sidebar of a blog I came across today! It really touched my heart... Please be sure to visit Cheaper by the Half Dozen. You'll be sure to find a neat blog chocked full of good stories and lots of lovely goodness. And of course, Jo from Life with Heathens, has had our button in her sidebar for awhile now...thank you, friend!

Entrecard Top Droppers:

Parenting Squad
Sense to Save
Mommies Home
Momma Muse

A big "Thank You" to these fine folks who ran our Gus' Gang button on their blogs:

Comfort Joy Designs
Grammology
Parenting Diva
Mo Mhile Gra

Template Giveaway!

Just wanted to let you all know about a cool giveway happening over at Doodlebug Designs! To celebrate the Grand Opening of her business, Judi (Grayson's mom!) has decided to give away a template...well, actually she's giving away several prizes! Here's the list:

• 1st Place Prize ~ FREE completely customized blog design for a blogger blog!
• 2nd Place Prize ~ FREE completely customized header for a blogger blog!
• 3rd Place Prize ~ 10% off any service!

Judi does great work...she designed my Up the Hill Gang blog and I absolutely love it! Make sure you head on over there to get all the details! Neato Mosquito!

Bob's House

Hat tip to Karen from A Deaf Mom Shares Her World for sharing the link to the interview with Darren, the passenger in the commercial! Neat!

The Dales Walk

As I was visiting Corey today, I read about the Dales Walk being pursued to raise funds for the Joseph Salmon Trust. This trust has been established in memory of 3 year old Joseph Salmon who died in his sleep. The money in this trust goes to help with the expenses when a child dies. I think this is a wonderful cause. Funeral expenses are so high and sometimes it is years before money can be saved in order to purchase a headstone for the grave. One of the best ways to help families who have lost children is to help with these kinds of expenses. We had someone donate money when Gus died and we were able to purchase his marker quickly....there are some graves around his that still have the little metal pokes used to id the graves that do not have markers yet. It would make me very sad if we had not been able to mark Gus' grave....


So...if you feel led, please consider helping this group raise some money to help these grieving families. Every donation makes a difference.

Happy Birthday, Gus!

Henry Larsen Doriot

“Gus”

January 18, 2005 - May 31, 2006

I am happy!

I am happy that I got to meet Gus. I’m happy that I got to see his precious smile and his flirtatious ways. I’m happy that I was able to capture very expressive moments with my camera so I can continue to share Gus with others. I’m happy that we got to bring him home where he could interact with his siblings in a normal atmosphere. I’m happy that he would wiggle to get out of the arms of whoever was holding him when he saw me come in the room. I’m happy when I remember his fascination with a new plaything. I’m happy when I think about the special kind of communication we had since he was deaf. I’m happy when I think about how much he loved to get his central line dressing changed because of the smell of the chloraprep. I’m happy because he was such a complete joy to take care of and I’m so happy that he is mine!

My New Addiction

I have decided to put together an album of our Gus' Gang kids so I can show our "locals"...mainly because I can't get any of them to visit the blog! lol! This is Leah Rose...isn't this an absolutely adorable photo of her?? I love it!

Anyway...be looking for more layouts...I'm kinda addicted! I've got Rhett's done and am looking for the perfect "paper" for Noah...

Design credit: Becky Smith's French Kiss QP (quickpage)

Healed in Heaven

Tadhg Michael Kilgore
October 12, 2007 – January 9, 2008

I first read about Tadhg over at Noah's blog. I was so moved by something that Tadhg's Uncle Chris wrote that I wanted to share it with you all. Having experienced the death of a child myself, these words really touched my heart. As I approach Gus' birthday, I want to remember these words...

One would not say that a short story is incomplete because it isn't a novel. It takes all kinds and some stories by their brevity make their point all the finer.
----Tadhg's Uncle Chris Kilgore

Please join with me in prayer for this family and please visit Tadhg's blog and read his courageous story. Also be sure to read The Poet...it's beautiful and I'm thankful that the family has shared it....

Happy Birthday, Sam!

Samuel Finn Doriot

January 9, 2004

born sleeping at 19 weeks

A Dream

A dream is a wish your heart makes,
When you are fast a sleep.
In dreams you will lose your heartaches,
Whatever you wish for, you keep!
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through!
No matter how your heart is breaking
If you keep on believing
The dreams that you wish for,
will come true!

from Walt Disney’s Cinderella

One Small Sparrow

I've just finished a book that I thought some of you would enjoy reading. It's called One Small Sparrow by Jeff Leeland and you can read my quick review over at my main blog, Up the Hill Gang. I have a hardback copy that I found in the free bin at our local book exchange place and I would love to pass it along to one of you! It's first come first serve...just make sure you leave me your e-mail or blog address so I can get in touch with you to get your mailing address!

Wordless Wednesday...Singing Gus

Leah Rose

Meet Leah Rose! She is a spunky 4 year old we are going to be praying for here at Gus' Gang. A geneticist at Shands Hospital in Florida has diagnosed her with Freeman Sheldon Syndrome. Her mom has put together a ton of information for us at her blog so instead of explaining the syndrome here, I'm going to send you over there!

I look forward to getting to know Leah Rose and her mom and I also look forward to praying for them. Please join me!

The Dying Child by Hans Christian Andersen

We've been reading a good little story by Hans Christian Andersen called What the Moon Saw. As I was doing some research about this author, I came across this poem that really touched me....and yes, made me cry. It's the last stanza...the image of an angel kissing my sweet Gus just brings tears to me...good tears though. He is sorely missed....

The Dying Child

By Hans Christian Andersen.

Mother, I'm tired, and I would fain be sleeping;
Let me repose upon thy bosom sick;
But promise me that thou wilt leave off weeping,
Because thy tears fall hot upon my cheek.

Here it is cold: the tempest raveth madly;
But in my dreams all is so wondrous bright;
I see the angel-children smiling gladly,
When from my weary eyes I shut out light.

Mother, one stands beside me now! and, listen!
Dost thou not hear the music's sweet accord?
See how his white wings beautifully glisten?
Surely those wings were given him by the Lord!

Green, gold, and red, are floating all around me;
They are the flowers the angel scattereth.
Should I have also wings while life has bound me?
Or, mother, are they given alone in death?

Why dost thou clasp me as if I were going?
Why dost thou press thy cheek so unto mine?
Thy cheek is hot, and yet thy tears are flowing!
I will, dear mother, will be always thine!

Do not sigh thus – it marreth my reposing;
But if thou weep, then I must weep with thee!
Ah, I am tired – my weary eyes are closing –
Look, mother, look! the angel kisseth me!

Words of Encouragement

As I was out and about visiting other blogs today, I came across a post over at The Not Quite Crunchy Parent blog which reminded me of all the words of encouragement we received and still do receive on Gus' Caringbridge site. MC Milker has written a post called "Caring Through CarePages" about how she has been lurking around one that has been set up for a child who has leukemia. This little guy goes to preschool with her child.

I can't even begin to tell you all how encouraging it was to us to find out that we had received comments. Some were short and to the point and others were long...all were refreshing and gave us so much love. Just that fact that someone had checked in on us was encouraging.

So, if you are ever at a CarePage or Caringbridge page, please be sure to leave a comment. It doesn't matter if you actually know the person or not. In fact, that is exactly how I met Judi, Grayson's mom...she had commented on Gus' page after he had died and we started corresponding. So, see...you don't have to really know the family to spread God's love and encourage one another.

I challenge you this week to find a Caringbridge or CarePage site and just leave a comment. Some pages are private, but there are plenty of ones out there that are not. Of course, you can always visit some of the kids we have listed in the sidebar.

You really can make a difference....

With Much Sadness

I just got an update from Jon's caringbridge site with the information that he has died. Folks, we need to really just bathe this family in prayers right now because I can't think of a harder thing to go through than the loss of your child. I also know that the presence of the Lord during a time like this can be very evident and can give great peace. Though saying goodbye to Gus was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I did feel that peace that goes beyond understanding and that is exactly what I want for this family...for Jon's mom, dad, well, his whole family because I know that they are all feeling his absence right now. I have included a photo from a family vacation...these are a few of the people that need our prayers right now. Of course, you can see Jon right there in the front.

May the God of Peace and Love bring comfort beyond measure to this family and may this comfort last until we all are reunited with our children in Heaven.

Jon Needs Prayers

Jon is in need of our prayers. He was in an accident after work on October 29th. According to his Caringbridge site, he fell off of a moving golf cart and hit his head. Currently he is in the ICU...today has been a hard day and there have been some changes in his condition that may mean a different treatment plan.

Not only do we need to pray for Jon, but we need to pray for his family too. Those of us who have dealt with things like this know all too well how stressful it all is. I will be praying for the Peace and Calm that only the Lord can bring....

You can keep up with Jon over at his Caringbridge site.

I've Not Forgotten You!

Dearest Noah,

ok..ok...I know, I know...I've been a horrible person because I've not been posting about all the wonderful new things you are doing...and well, some of the interesting things you are doing! But please...when you look at me that way, I feel so bad! I haven't forgotten you, really.

I think it's wonderful that you are rolling over and that your mom (well YOU!) dc'ed your ng tube!! That's exciting news. I know how icky those ng tubes can be for both mom and baby..not fun. And look at you gaining all that weight...You Grow Guy!!

So, I was wondering, what's the first thing you're going to do when you get to your "Home Home"??

Your Friend and Fan,
Jenny

ps...I know that you are not looking at me all sad like...it was your dad wasn't it? Bugging you while you were taking a bath...sheesh!

The Deaf Pilot...Cool!

I was avoiding any kind of responsibilities this morning and I came across a wonderful post that Lillie had written over at her blog A Writer's Words, An Editor's Eye. It's about two people who have overcome great obstacles. Of course, I focused in one the video of Stephen Hopson because he is deaf. Gus was profoundly deaf and I found that, while he was here with us, I developed a heart for the deaf. I am amazed at these people...what heroes they are. Can you imagine for even a minute what it would be like to hear absolutely nothing?? It blows my mind...

Here's a video about Stephen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and I hope that you are inspired by his "can do" attitude! I also hope you catch that there was one person, his elementary school teacher, that encouraged him...and I hope that instead of just looking at people who are "different" that we all reach out and encourage and embrace these people...and appreciate them for the wonderful gifts they are! Enjoy!



Stephen Hopson links:

Obstacle Illusions
Adversity University

Little Rooms...All the Cool Blind Babies Have One!

Really...I stole the post title from what the author of this neat site said because it completely cracked me up! It reminded me of how much it is necessary to have a sense of humor when you have a sick child...it's good therapy!

All that aside...if you have a blind baby or know someone else who has a blind baby, then you need to visit Wonderbaby support groups where you can meet with moms and dads who have "been there-done that"...it's . Not only will you find instructions for making your own "Little Room" but you will find a lot of resources for families with blind babies. Most importantly you can find severa moms and dads who have walked the path before...it's always comforting to know those who are farther along the path...

Look at This Squeezie!!

Absolutely squeezable....really, I would have a hard time keeping my hands off this little guy!

I was thrilled to read that Noah and his mommy will probably be heading "home-home" on October 25th!! He is eating well and making great progress....his mommy is excited and so am I!

Let's remember to continue to pray for this little trooper, his family (his big sister!). Also, Noah's mom mentioned that her Aunt has had some medical complications and needs our prayers also.

Kindergarten Krazy!

Word has it that Izzy is loving Kindergarten! And I'm sure those assisting her during school are loving her!! Lots of neat things going on with this little chick so be sure to head over to her blog and read all about all her school adventures...neat!

He's a Whooper, Folks!

19 pounds! Let me tell you all, this is a BIG deal! Those of us who have taken care of a child who does not thrive know that even a few ounces is reason to cheer. Heck, there were times that we were thrilled that Gus had stayed steady and not lost any weight. I know Damon's mom has had that feeling too....

I am just thrilled that Damon is becoming a Whopper! Maybe he can give some lessons to Noah!

Noah "No-Tubes"!

Ahhh....there's nothing like seeing your baby without tubes! I love his expression!!

Crystal's new chant is "Get Fat Noah!"...and that's exactly what I'm going to be praying for! Fat is good when you are medically fragile....sometimes, fat is everything. So grow big, baby, grow big!!

Celebrate Brandon Day!!

And – this is very important – though you and I may wish a longer life for our loved ones, they don't. Ironically, the first to accept God's decision of death is the one who dies.

While we are shaking heads in disbelief, they are lifting hands to worship.
While we are mourning at a grave, they are marveling at heaven.
While we are questioning God, they are praising God."
~Max Lucado

Please go and visit Brandon's Caringbridge site to read about him and about his family who have so beautifully been grieving his death. The above passage was taken from his site and , in all honesty, it makes me weep....but only because it is completely true. Praise God that our children are now healed!!

Brandon's beautiful light still shines one...just much brighter in Heaven. I can't wait to meet him!!

No Rejection For Noah!

It looks like Noah is NOT going through rejection and that is great news!! Praise God for that...but do continue to pray for Noah because he is still so very sick. The docs are just not completely certain what is going on with the little fellow. Let's pray that they figure some things out and that Noah's edema (swelling) goes down. He's so puffy that his little eyes are swollen shut...folks, that is so hard for a mommy to have to see so let's pray for Crystal too. Be sure to go read Crystal's complete update...

Also, don't forget Noah's big sister and his Dad.

Chest Tube For Noah

UPDATE: Noah is on his way back to the cath lab so let's be praying about that specifically....you need to go check out his fluffy after-bath hair...so cute!!


The docs had to place a chest tube today. Hopefully, this will help Noah's lung. There will be a TRALI specialist stopping by to see Noah today...let's be praying for Noah's lungs and for the specialist to be able to figure out a great course of action!

Stable But Bleeding

This little cutie is back in the hospital looking all cute...just hanging out and bleeding....being "stable"! These tough kids can go through the toughest of situations (I mean really, how would you do if you had bleeds often?!) and look up at you and just grin!

Let's all pray for Logan today...pray that his bleeding will subside and that his life-saving transplant will happen soon!

Cool Kidney!

Kayden's mom has posted a great photo for Wordless Wednesday! It's a photo of Kayden's new kidney before it was transplanted!! Neat!

Are you an Organ Donor???

Let's Cheer Up Sammi!

Sammi is not feeling well right now...let's all go over to her Caringbridge site(click on the link from the COTA page) and cheer her on! Comments can be so encouraging when things are tough....

BlogLand...We Have Eyes!!

Look at those little sweet Noah eyes! They make me want to scoop him up and give him a big ol' squeeze...I think that would probably be frowned upon though since he is still on the vent and healing! lol!! Really, folks, that is one of the hardest things when your baby is sick...not being able to hold him all the time...

Be sure to head on over to the family blog and read Crystal's wonderful testimony. She is an amazing woman and so very strong. Noah is blessed to have her as him mommy!

Urgent Prayer Request For Noah

Noah's mom wrote this yesterday. Please take some time to go encourage this family and let's storm Heaven with prayers for little Noah!! Noah recently received a heart transplant. Feel free to grab the "Pray for Noah" button to place on your blog...just make sure to save it to your computer...

Sunday, July 29, 2007

TRALI

Noah is back in the ICU on a ventilator. They are keeping him very sedated at the moment as they are trying to get an art line then tomorrow they will do another PICC (on top of the 2 IVs he currently has).
They believe the blood transfusion he received caused him to develope TRALI : Transfusion Related Acute Lung Injury. I'm typing this on my phone so I can't link to any information on it but if you Google ''TRALI'' it brings up lots of info on it.
Right now he' covered in hives on the inside and the outside. Benedryl doesn't help and they started Steriod treatment which will also treat the rejection they now believe he's been having (sometimes a mom just knows). The steriods are also causing high blood sugar so they have to give him insulin on top of all the other drugs.
He's in criticle condition and is super super sick. Infection, Rejection, Fluid imbalance, and now TRALI.
This feels like it did the day before he got his heart. When he was really sick and we didn't know when he would get a heart and if it would be in time... Feels more like a sick road instead of a recovery road. But Noah is strong. He's proven time after time that he can beat the odds and pull through. He's my hero. And if he can be strong, then so can I.

Links about TRALI:

TRALI--wiki
MedScape
American Red Cross

Blogathon 2007

This is a sticky post. Scroll down for current posts!

Sponsor me!

Join me here at Gus’ Gang on July 28^th as I participate in Blogathon 2007! I will be raising money for COTA: Children’s Organ Transplant Association. This group diligently raises funds for families who have children waiting on transplants. Pete and I were very fortunate to not need their services but there are a lot of families out there who do. There are times that insurance does not cover a medical flight, lodging or even some meds and special formulas that these medically fragile children need as they are waiting for organs.

Please pledge money for these families(all pledged money goes directly to COTA)…they shouldn’t have to worry about finances during a time when their child is so very sick….

You can pledge here at Gus' Gang or over at Up the Hill Gang.

Whew...That Was A Lot of Work...

Sponsor Me!

but very fun!! Blogging for 24 hours is quite an adventure...there were several times I thought I was going down but fortunately I didn't. Stephanie was a great monitor and would check in on me often and that helped! I also made several friends and we would visit each other and comment with words of encouragement.

My goal was to raise $300 and as of yesterday morning, I have raised $320. There is still one more day to donate so if you feel led to do so you can click on the "Sponsor Me" link at the top! I'm blogging for COTA--Children's Organ Transplant Association.

Thanks and Farewell!

I just want to say thanks to my sponsors Judy, Cindy, Anonymous and Stacey...I really appreciate each one of you! Thanks also to Stephanie who checked on me throughout the wee hours of the morning!

Do we call it dying when the bud bursts into flower? --anonymous

Ahhh...I love this quote! That's how I think of Gus...he was a bud here on earth but now he is a flower in Heaven. It is only in Heaven that we are truly alive...this life here on earth is just a small prelude of what is yet to come. I love how God gives us glimpses of Heaven all around us...sometimes I'm too busy to notice. Look at the mountains, the bright green leaves , the bright colored flowers, and the list goes on and on. What is mind-boggling is that what we are seeing is just the tip of the iceberg! I look at flowers and it's hard to imagine that what I'll see in Heaven is far better than what I am seeing here!!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Thirteen Things About Gus

Thirteen things you may not have known about Gus...

• His real name is Henry Larsen
• His favorite show was the Doodle Bops
• He liked to sleep on his right side
• He has had 9 surgeries
• His favorite book was "Lunch" by Denise Fleming
• He had a huge meltdown Christmas morning!
• His tears were yellow
• He would go through @ 20 diapers a day
• He loved to have his hair washed but not his body!
• He would have trouble bending in the mornings
• One night I failed to turn his TPN pump on and I starved him...but he forgave me! (I thought I had turned it on but the button had not been pressed hard enough...I didn't just forget him!)
  
• He loved to have his central line dressing changed...he liked the smell of the chloraprep.

and...

• This is gross but pretty incredible...so says his surgeon...Gus passed 5 of his sutures from his bowel resection!! And we still have them! lol!!

More Gus Dreams...

From my journal:

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 02, 2007 08:37 AM, CST

I've been blessed with another "Gus dream"....in this one he was sitting in his car seat and he was signing..."Listen mommy...I want to kiss you....feed me!" ....and the only place I could find to stop and get the little guy some food was a stinkin' Burger King!! Sheesh!!

MONDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2006 10:30 PM, CST

If you have experienced the loss of a child, then you have certainly experienced all the exchausting dreams too! I've read that it's our minds trying to "wrap" itself around the fact that our child is no longer with us. Right after Gus died, I would have these dreams where I was so busy trying to save him and get others to see that he was not dead but alive. These dreams would wear me out...extreme exhaustion! I still dream about Gus..almost every night. I'm glad to say though, that these dreams are not so exhausting anymore...well, except for the one where I was loosing my teeth after being diagnosed with wrist cancer...all this made worse by the fact that the only way I was going to survive was to have a kidney/heart transplant (because we all know that's how wrist cancer is cured! lol!!)...gee whiz!! maybe one day I'll tell you all about the dream I had when we had taken Gus back for a check up with the NICU doctors...it's funny! lol!!

Anyway, please keep me in your prayers this coming month as I write my novel about a mom, a little boy and Heaven....I want this writing to glorify God! This will be part of a project called NaNoWriMo and will last the entire month of November. Pete's writing too...our goal is to write 50, 000 words. I'm really excited about this...I have found that writing has been very therapeutic for me! Will this book be published?? Probably not! I've never been an impressive writer but I do think it will be good for me to get my feelings and thoughts down on paper!!

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 06, 2007 07:35 AM, CST

Another dream...this one has drained me though. I am just so sad right now.

I had left the hospital room to find out about the man who had the bolt embedded in his head (maybe I watch too much Discovery Health! lol!!) and when I got back to the room, Gus was in a large isolette...looking really healthy! He was wearing a white onesie and he looked great. I was thrilled that everyone was wrong about him dying!! He looked over at me and with his eyes he said " There you are...come pick me up!" And so I did....and then I woke up.....

Great Grayson!

Oh Grayson...what a dear sweet little guy you are!! Grayson's mom, Judi, has been such an encouragement to me over this past year. Not only has she helped me with Gus' Gang but she has been there for me as I have grieved the loss of Gus. We actually met through Gus' Caringbridge site and immediately became friends. God knew exactly what I needed!

Grayson is a micro-preemie and is doing really well. He recently had tubes placed in his ears and all seems to be going well now. His mommy takes very good care him and his big sister watches out for him too! Take a look at these photos....he's a miracle!

From this:

to this (one of my favorite photos...so sweet!)



to this! See what I mean? He really is a miracle kid!! I love his little toes in this photo...



Btw, Judi is responsible for this wonderful template from BlueBirds blogs and she is also my "button lady"....she makes all of our prayer buttons for sidebars! Thanks a million, Judi!!

RMH Playroom

Of course, many hours were spent in this room. This is where Belle learned to work puzzles...good times! lol!

RMH Rockin' Laundry Room!

I don't even think I can tell you how awesome it was to be able to do ALL of our laundry in under two hours!!! I'll have to admit, when we came back home to just one little ol' washer and dryer I was a bit disappointed....I had become spoiled! Wouldn't you?!


$30.....that's all, just $30 to reach my goal....PLEASE!!!

see...you made me go and talk "big"....

RMH Kitchen and Dining Room

This is where I developed my addiction to brownies and learned to embrace lasagna! Almost every night, a local community group would bring in dinner for those of us staying at the RMH. It was so thoughtful...but they ALWAYS brought lasagna. We started calling it "Manna Two" because like the manna that God daily provide his people, we were daily provided lasagna. Needless to say, we got tired of lasagna after awhile...I felt horrible about that because the people bringing it in really were trying to take care of us. So remember...if you want to take a dinner to your local RMH, try to stay away from lasagna!!


This is the dining area. We met a lot of interesting people around that table. One of the fun memories I have is learning American Sign Language from one of the volunteers...we would meet at the table twice a week during our second stay at the RMH. Our tutor was named Hannah and she was so sweet...I'll always remember her and her willingness to help us learn ASL.

The Yellow Room

This was one of the rooms we stayed in during our five and half month stay at the Knoxville, TN Ronald McDonald House. Our first room was dark and dreary...and way too small for five of us. When the kids came to stay, we asked for a larger room. It was tight but we learned to survive! There was a roll-away-bed in the hallway and the kids would take turns sleeping on it.

I put all of our school books up on the window sill and we would do schoolwork on the beds. I tried to keep things tidied up but it was hard...it was hard to do much of anything since I was sick with fear. Those were dark days....

I Have Nothing....

nothing...I can't think of a single think to write about....maybe next time.

Until then enjoy this video:

Meet Tyler

Tyler is one of our Gus' Gang kids! His mom, Nancy, has a great blog where she writes about life with a micro-preemie. Just a bit about this cutie patootie:

Because he was born so early he has developed a level 3 and level 4 Brain Bleeds, Hydrocephalus which required the placement of a reservoir, an unclosed heart valve (PDA), and stage 3 ROP eye disease with Rush disease.

Tyler is a bit older now so you'll have to go to his family blog to see some photos!!


This may just be my all time favorite photo of Tyler!

Welcome To Holland

Emily Perl Kingsley is a writer for Sesame Street. In 1974, her son, Jason, was born with Down Syndrome. Her experience with her son inspired her to include people with disabilities in the Sesame Street cast.

Though Down Syndrome was not what we experienced, I really could relate to this story. I know a lot of other families do also.

by Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.