More Gus Dreams...

From my journal:

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 02, 2007 08:37 AM, CST

I've been blessed with another "Gus dream"....in this one he was sitting in his car seat and he was signing..."Listen mommy...I want to kiss you....feed me!" ....and the only place I could find to stop and get the little guy some food was a stinkin' Burger King!! Sheesh!!

MONDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2006 10:30 PM, CST

If you have experienced the loss of a child, then you have certainly experienced all the exchausting dreams too! I've read that it's our minds trying to "wrap" itself around the fact that our child is no longer with us. Right after Gus died, I would have these dreams where I was so busy trying to save him and get others to see that he was not dead but alive. These dreams would wear me out...extreme exhaustion! I still dream about Gus..almost every night. I'm glad to say though, that these dreams are not so exhausting anymore...well, except for the one where I was loosing my teeth after being diagnosed with wrist cancer...all this made worse by the fact that the only way I was going to survive was to have a kidney/heart transplant (because we all know that's how wrist cancer is cured! lol!!)...gee whiz!! maybe one day I'll tell you all about the dream I had when we had taken Gus back for a check up with the NICU doctors...it's funny! lol!!

Anyway, please keep me in your prayers this coming month as I write my novel about a mom, a little boy and Heaven....I want this writing to glorify God! This will be part of a project called NaNoWriMo and will last the entire month of November. Pete's writing too...our goal is to write 50, 000 words. I'm really excited about this...I have found that writing has been very therapeutic for me! Will this book be published?? Probably not! I've never been an impressive writer but I do think it will be good for me to get my feelings and thoughts down on paper!!

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 06, 2007 07:35 AM, CST

Another dream...this one has drained me though. I am just so sad right now.

I had left the hospital room to find out about the man who had the bolt embedded in his head (maybe I watch too much Discovery Health! lol!!) and when I got back to the room, Gus was in a large isolette...looking really healthy! He was wearing a white onesie and he looked great. I was thrilled that everyone was wrong about him dying!! He looked over at me and with his eyes he said " There you are...come pick me up!" And so I did....and then I woke up.....