SUNDAY, JULY 02, 2006 11:22 PM, CDT
This is a letter I wrote to Gus on June 6th...several days after he went home...I decided to post it here because I've been visiting other sites where mom's have written things that have been helpful and it's my hope that this will be helpful in return. I'm not sure how but yet I feel led to share it!
Sweet Yellow Dumpling Boy,
I have a lot of work to do around the house. It doesn't seem right to just bury your remains then hop right back into taking care of the house and everything else. There are bills to pay, phone calls to make, dirty clothes to wash....it sometimes seems so weird that life goes on. Yet I know for you that life is going on...and I know it's the good life!! I think satan is good at finding our weak spots and he may just be working on mine right now by making me feel guilty that I'm not devastated by your going home. I do miss you but I'm finding it very hard to be devastated because I know you are in the presence of the Lord and that you are safely home. It makes my heart so glad to imagine you with your brother Sam..with Ed Wheeler...with Bop...with Noah, David, even David's son. I look forward to the day when we all are reunited and will live together for eternity. Until then, I am going to strive to live each day with joy and not despair. I am going to strive to make our surroundings more heavenly...more beautiful and peaceful. Gus, God has used you to touch my life in such a special way and you will never be forgotten. Though I struggle with the fact that I will not feel the your weight in my arms, nor will I see your big grin or smooch your neck, I rejoice in the fact that you are healed. I miss you because of my selfishness...
Daddy and I have started a small ministry and we are naming it "Gus' Gang". We've had a lot of people respond...much more than we thought. I really need to sit down and pray and ask God to provide the details for this ministry. There are so many ways to encourage those families who are suffering...I just want to follow God.
Today I'm going to get a book titles "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. Several people have mentioned it and I'm quite curious...you know I have that goal of reading 50 books this year and I've only read 10 so far! I'm also going to the thrift store to find a few dresses....I feel like trying to wear dresses for a complete week. I need to find my femininity again!! Though I completely loved taking care of you, there were a few things I let go to the side...my appearance being one of those!!
I miss you, I love you and I can't wait to be with you again. My day is starting and I will be loving on your Daddy, Nik, Jake and Belle but I will not have forgotten you!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Writing Is Good Therapy
This is from Gus' Caringbridge site. Writing has helped me so much in my grieving and healing journey. I will always grieve the loss of my precious little boy, but writing gives me a healthy outlet. I encourage anyone who is grieving any kind of loss to sit down and write....just write...it doesn't have to be fancy or even grammatically correct...just write!